So I went to check on Deadpool. Oh man, bad idea. Turns out he's been hanging out with "the goddamn Batman". Batman is in the middle of an important case, apparently, and in no mood to deal with people stealing his costume. Actually, I don't think he's ever in the mood for that. Then I noticed it. Deadpool was talking to Superman, who must have been exposed to red kryptonite or something.
"What the hell happened to your face, Clark?"
"Oh, it's always been this way..."
"HAVE YOU LOOKED IN THE MIRROR LATELY? You have a bizarre... catlike disfigured head."
"I think a better question is why YOUR head is the way it is? Wasn't it originally quite different?"
"Well, yeah, I changed my head so as to not create panic among humans. But who cares about that. I don't think being a human-cat hybrid is going to make humans accept you any more. You're the IDEAL human already. You don't need to work on your appearance."
"Right, but the rest of the human race DOES! CAT HYBRIDS ARE THE WAY OF THE FUTURE!"
"Clark, you're utterly insane."
I hear Batman yelling.
"I'VE LOCATED IT. I'VE LOCATED THE GODDAMNED SPECTRAL DISTURBANCE." Bruce screams.
"Tell me you haven't been working on The Stapler case. That's the most pathetic villain I've ever faced. You can't seriously be looking into it."
"Oh, but I can. I've been searching for this guy for ages. He's been denying the laws of physics by existing and yet also being dead. I've finally pinpointed him, and now I'm going to figure out what his deal is."
"...Come on. The guy is an idiot. I doubt highly he'll have an explanation as to why he's still around even though he inexplicably died a while back. I'm not even entirely sure he's dead."
The Stapler floats in. "Yeah, he's right. I just 'died' to add freshness to my routine. Same reason I changed my name from the Red Rhino to The Stapler. I've just been using absurd Scooby-Doo esque technology to make you guys think I'm a ghost. And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids." This guy has a huge mouth.
"Look, Scooby Doo parodies? Do you really think that's fresh at all?" Deadpool cracks at him.
"Hey, I'M not the guy who made a Snakes on a Plane joke a full year after it was released." he mumbled.
"Look, can we just get this guy in jail already? All he does is stalk us whining about how he wants to be a real villain. I think that should be bad enough to get him in jail for invasion of privacy."
"YOU CAN'T ARREST ME! I'M DEAD!"
This guy just can't make up his mind.